Jenny and Peter as a young couple, pictured on the top of Camel’s Hump in Huntington, during one of their frequent trips between New York City and Vermont. Photo courtesy of Jenny Grosvenor

Via Community News Service, a University of Vermont journalism internship, in partnership with Vermont Public.

Jenny Grosvenor knows loss.

In 1994, her husband, Peter, died by suicide. Grosvenor later learned he’d been abused by a priest as a teen. 

She is currently working on an investigative memoir, called “Tell,” about priest abuse, loss by suicide, and learning to share the stories we often keep buried inside. 

Tova Brickley sat down with Grosvenor to reflect on some of the most important chapters of her life. 

This story discusses suicide and abuse. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 9-8-8, or the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.

🎧 This story was produced for the ear. We highly recommend listening to the audio. We’ve also provided a transcript below.

Jenny and Peter on a hike in Vermont with their first two kids on their backs. Photo courtesy of Jenny Grosvenor

Jenny Grosvenor: My name is Jenny Grosvenor, and I’m a faculty member of the English department at the University of Vermont. I’ve been in Vermont for a long time. Since ‘88. So do the math. 

I had four babies in Bolton Valley up on the mountain. And Peter died when they were under five. So four, three, almost two, and two months. And then, after that, I pretty much did raise them on my own. They probably raised me, too. 

Jenny during her Sports Illustrated days, crouching on the sidelines of the Super Bowl. Photo courtesy of Jenny Grosvenor

Peter and I met, 1986. And it was like my banner year.

I, at the time, was a writer/producer/director for Sports Illustrated Magazine in New York.

And Peter worked for a video company called Broadway Video, on Broadway, which is still, to this day, owned by Lorne Michaels, who started Saturday Night Live back in the ’70s.

And so I was producing these videos, and Peter was selling the video services. So I became his client. And then we started dating. And our first date was front row seats at Saturday Night Live.

Jenny and Peter at their wedding in Waitsfield. Photo courtesy of Jenny Grosvenor

So what happened was, well, I met Peter. We fell in love. We had a blast. We were both doing our jobs and loving them. And then I wanted to have babies. 

Peter and I did love skiing, and we loved skiing at Sugarbush, and we used to drive up here all the time from New York. So we had this love for Vermont anyway, and we just said, ‘Why don’t we move to Vermont and have babies?’ And so we dropped our fancy New York jobs, right? And moved to the top of a mountain. Chop wood, carry water. It was kind of back in the days when that was like, cool, right?

And so it’s fun to talk about that, and also what a great dad he was, because that got lost.

Jenny and Peter stand on the Stowe Bike Path in Vermont. Jenny is pregnant with their first baby. Photo courtesy of Jenny Grosvenor

And this is the thing about the way he died. It wrecks families, it stops communication.

You know, it’s really hard when people ask, you know, ‘What are you writing about?’ And I say, ‘Oh, suicide and priest abuse.’ That doesn’t land that well with a lot of people.

But yet, it’s so important to tell because so many people are impacted by both of these. Abuse — in the, in the big sense, not just priest abuse. And this way of dying that is so difficult. And the more I talk about it, the more people I realize have experienced it, and have a mother, a sister, a brother, a son, a daughter, you know, who they’ve lost, right? And if you look at the statistics, it’s huge. And yet, it is the most painful and difficult way of dying to talk about. And yet, I deeply believe that it’s so important to talk about.

Writing life experiences is healing. Denial will kill you. Denial will kill you, right? And not telling a story has become even more of an issue for me since Peter ‘not telling’ literally killed him.

The beloved home on top of the mountain in Bolton Valley where Jenny and Peter had four babies in five years. Photo courtesy of Jenny Grosvenor

When I sort of thought maybe I’d be talking about this, it took me a while to find the photo album of me and Peter.

Look at this house. That’s where we lived. That’s where we had four babies. It was crazy. And we would ski down the driveway. So that was our life.

And this is one of the last pictures, which is very sad. So this is Alex, Livy, Luke, and the baby.

One of the last things he did was take Libby skiing when she was three. And now she’s taking her three-year-old skiing. It’s almost like, it’s, I don’t know, it’s been so long, but it finally feels safer to talk about it. 

It’s amazing when, you know, I really, if I sit like this and experience this journey backwards, you know, and think about everything that’s happened and where we are today, it’s a, it’s a miracle. 

Music in this story is ‘Four Count‘ by Blue Dot Sessions. Sound effects included Applause, New York Street Scape and Bird Song from Freesound and the BBC Sound Effects Archive.